Get ready for a controversial bit of writing here, this will irritate some people, and probably offend some people to. However, being a coach, sometimes we just have to call people on their crap. Ultimately, we have to help guide and support you through a journey to a better you, and if that means pointing out some harsh truths on the way, then we have to do it, for your benefit.

Let me ask you, do you struggle to lose weight?

Some people seem to have a never ending “struggle” with their weight. They are always, and I mean always “trying” to do something about it, but nothing works.

These are the people that do not take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for their success, they blame everything else under the sun, and claim they have certain reasons why they can’t do x, y, or even z.


They are the people that want to get fit, but wear the t-shirts that say “I workout, just kidding I take naps” or “I tried running, but I kept spilling my wine”. Do you know how many fit people wear t-shirts that joke about not getting fit…exactly NONE!!

But how can your “struggle” with weight loss be benefiting you? I mean it makes you miserable right? Like down right, crying in the bathroom, don’t want to go out because you feel that you look like crap, miserable!

By the way I should point out here, that no one does what I am about say intentionally. Its a subconscious thing, that once we realise we are doing it, we can gain control over it.

One of the human needs is CONNECTION.

We all crave love and connection. When we have a connection with someone, whatever it is that causes that connection, the brain goes, OOOOHHHHH I liked that, make sure we do that again.

But sometimes the brain gets confused, and what comes across as a positive connection can result in negative habits.

Think about a kid in a group of friends, who are encouraging them to smoke. The connection made between smoking and “fitting in” with the group of “friends” has now been made. The kid feels connected and loved by his group of friends because he smokes.

But how does this relate to your weight loss problem….

Let me ask you….

Do ever talk about your weight loss struggles with friends and family?

Does your husband, wife, partner, friend ever see you upset or angry about your weight?

Do you ever moan to friends, that nothing in the store fits you?

And what happens every time you go through these things?


Your friends sympathise with you on your weight struggles, your partner tells you all kinds of things to make you feel better, your friends suddenly want to go shopping with you to help you find something that fits.

You get told that “its ok”, “its not your fault”, “there must be something else causing it”!

Your brain goes…ooooohhhhh…this is connection and love that I am receiving from these people! They care about me!

So it puts up a barrier to stop you from changing! Why change….you get love and connection? Lets keep it this way.

You go to the gym, but then eat the crappiest food you can find, or drink a bottle of wine when you get in that evening. Then you think “oh my god, I have just un-done all that hard, why do I do it?”

Staying overweight, and unhealthy is, according to your brain, benefiting you!

Your brain is thinking….you get love and connection because you are overweight, so stay overweight, in fact lets put more on!

Your brain pretty much thinks “people care about me, because I am overweight”

Its ridiculous, right! Absolutely, but it happens.

So how do we take control?

First of all, the fact that you have acknowledged that this is happening is the first step.

Now we change our language and how we react to situations.

From now on, imagine yourself as the fit person you want to be. Just picture yourself already there. You are already in the size 8 jeans, able to pick anything you want off the rack knowing that it will fit and look good.

Visualise it, everyday! Get the clear picture of how you look, how you feel. Your confidence is through the roof, you walk tall, knowing that you look and feel great.

Now the love and connection you get is super positive, people asking you how you keep so fit, people being interested in you because you are someone they look up to.

This connection, now starts embedding super positive habits.

Give yourself positive reinforcement when you do/are doing something good.

Listen to your favourite music while working out – make the connection between the best music in the world and you working out.workout with friends

Workout with your friends – this means you have a good time doing it, AND you get connection while working out.


Be proud to push your plate away having NOT licked the plate clean.

When you achieve certain weight loss goals, reward yourself with a new dress or top, or jeans.

Instead of talking to your friends about struggle, talk about your successes. “I have lost 5kg’s, and I am feeling great”. Your friends will be so happy for you, and want to encourage you to keep going. Soon you will start hearing “I wish I could do what you are doing”.

So its time to take control!

Lets Do This!

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